Fire and Ice
by RhythmStickLunatic
Summary: What happens when hatred for yourself and desire for another combine? Kaoru will soon find out. Meanwhile, Tamaki and Haruhi are being brought together by the forces of trust.
1. Preface

**Fire and Ice**

_**Preface**_

_Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice,_

_From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. _

_But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate_

_To say that for destruction ice is also great and would suffice._

Robert Frost.

But what would happen if fire and ice combine? A deadly combination of hatred _and_ desire. What power would this mixture hold? If fire and ice alone have the power to destroy the world, maybe together can destroy much more than that. Maybe together they can destroy _everything._

It was an ordinary day at the host club in abandoned music room three. Tamaki Suoh's violet eyes welled with tears as he coaxed the swooning girl before him. His eyes brimmed as he smoothly whispered something to the effect of "You, my dear, are the sea in which I will always float, so long as you will carry me, ebbing and flowing to the rhythm of my heart." Once again, the blonde boy's cliché charms worked; the woman swooned with love in her eyes, like they always did. Occasionally Tamaki would glance over at the club's newest addition, Haruhi Fujioka, to see how well she was keeping up her male routine. Haruhi could feel Tamaki's glance, but decided to ignore his annoying over protectiveness. Calmly and smoothly, Haruhi bent over the table and, keeping eye contact with her guest, poured tea into the girl's glass. "Careful," she said, and smiled adorably, "It's pretty hot."

"Oh, Haruhi!" The girl shrieked, "It is so cute that you care so much! And you made tea just for me? How thoughtful!"

"It's nothing, really. I make plenty of tea for my father at home. He doesn't get a lot of time to relax anymore, so it's the least I can do." More girls joined in the cries now, shouting things like, "Oh, he's so thoughtful!" When the girls fawned over Haruhi like that, it always filled Tamaki with mixed emotions, some of which he couldn't exactly pinpoint at the moment. _No matter_, he thought, and returned to his guest who was beginning to grow impatient.

Across the room, Hikaru was laughing. "Oh, please let me tell them about last night! It was so funny, Kaoru! You should have seen yourself, you were practically crying!"

"Hikaru…" Kaoru began, rubbing his arm and letting his gaze fall to the floor. "Must you tell them? You won't include every detail, will you?" The fangirls tensed with anticipation. Hikaru held Kaoru's chin between his thumb and forefinger like they'd practiced, and he lifted Kaoru's head so that he was staring into his brother's eyes.

"Don't worry, Kaoru." Hikaru said, bringing his face no more than two inches from his twin's. "I won't tell them what happened later in the evening." Kaoru's cheeks reddened. He brought his lips to his brother's ear and whispered sensually, "Good. We'll let them imagine on their own." This, of course, sent the fangirls screaming and nearly jumping out of their skin.

All the obnoxious shrieking did not help Kyoya's calculations. Honey-sempai didn't exactly help either. "Kyo-chan!" He yelled in his high-pitched voice. "Why don't you come play with us, Kyo-chan? You're too busy all the time!" He was now tugging at Kyoya's shirt sleeve.

"I'm sorry Honey-sempai," Kyoya said coolly, "But since the latest issue of "Hitachiin Uncovered" came out, our profits have been harder to keep track of." At that moment, the towering figure of Takashi Morinozuka came toward them. He effortlessly perched Honey on his shoulder and said, "Let's go, Mitsukuni."

"Thanks, Mori," said Kyoya, without taking his eyes off of his work.


	2. Simple Question

_**Simple Question**_

The guests had finally left, and it was the Host club's time to relax. "So, we're selling like hotcakes, eh Kyoya?" the twins said in unison.

"Yes," Kyoya smiled and his glasses flashed, "in fact I believe this month's issue has broken the Host Club's previous record." Hearing this news, Tamaki, being the previous record holder and full-time drama king, wallowed in the corner, clutching his knees to his chest.

"Oh, don't be a baby, boss!" Hikaru laughed.

"I mean what did you expect?" Kaoru added, and they said together, "Chicks dig the taboo!" They playfully stuck their tongue out at Tamaki, who returned from his little pity party.

"Hey," Kaoru said, "Can I look at one of those?" Kyoya handed him a copy of "Hitachiin Uncovered." He and his brother flipped through the pages, laughing whenever they came across something they remembered doing, and joking about the pictures. After studying a few pictures, Hikaru noticed something. "Hey Kaoru, how do you do that?"

"Do what?" Kaoru asked, confused,

"You know," Hikaru said, noticing a pattern in almost every picture. "How do you make yourself blush like that?" Kaoru was startled. He'd never really noticed that he did that; it never really occurred to him. "Hmm…now that you mention it, I do seem to do that a lot. I don't know. Maybe I just have naturally rosy cheeks." He knew this wasn't true. Now that he thought about it, he remembered feeling his face heat up when Hikaru had stared into his eyes earlier that day.

"That can't be it," Hikaru said. "If that was the case, people would have been able to tell the difference between us more easily."

"I don't know." Kaoru's eyebrows furrowed and he looked down at the ground, genuinely confused. "I guess it just comes naturally. Playing the part, you know?" He laughed awkwardly, but continued to stare at his feet. He really hadn't thought about it before. Why _did_ his cheeks redden when they did their little "brotherly love" act? Maybe it _was_ just natural. _Maybe it's embarrassment_, he thought. _I never really thought that our act was embarrassing, but maybe…_

"Kaoru?!" Tamaki asked impatiently. Kaoru snapped out of his brief moment of contemplation, and looked up to find that everyone in the club was staring at him. "What do you think?" Tamaki asked. He sounded as if he'd asked this question at least three times already.

"Umm. . . What were we talking about?"

Tamaki sighed. I was asking you if you thought it would be a good idea if the host club. . ." and he went off into an overly enthusiastic description of a medieval "knight in shining armour" themed cosplay, which he decorated with fancy words and tears of joy.

"Great," Hikaru whispered to his distracted brother, "You made him do it again. Why weren't you paying attention the first time?"

"I. . ." he began, "I just have a lot on my mind."

With that, Kaoru stood up, nearly knocking over a chair, and quickly left the room. His double shouted his name and began to follow him, just like Kaoru knew he would. He tried to ignore his older twin, which he had never wanted to do before. He just needed to think. Kaoru stopped in the hallway just outside the music room with his back to his brother. Hikaru, face full of worry, reached out and grabbed Kaoru's shoulder. The younger tensed a little. He didn't want to hurt his brother, but his head was spinning. Kaoru reached across his shoulder and let his fingers rest atop of Hikaru's. This motion was habitual; he had held his brother's hand for years. He didn't even realize he had done it until he looked down at his fingers intertwined with Hikaru's. For some reason unknown to him, his face grew hot with anger. He squeezed his brother's fingers a little too hard and then jerked his hand away.

"Dammit, Hikaru!" He yelled with his head to the ground and his eyes shut tight, still not facing his brother. "Just leave me _alone_!" With those words, he bolted down the hall, not knowing where he was going or when he would stop. He ran, leaving his brother behind. Hikaru's arm hung outstretched in the hair. His eyes remained attached to his brother's back as it disappeared down the empty hallway.


	3. Trust

Trust

Hikaru returned to the music room, where he found a very confused host club. Everyone just stared at him, questioningly. Haruhi was the first to speak.

"Hikaru, do you know what's going on?" She asked, genuinely confused. She was usually one of the first to figure things out. "That kind of behaviour is normal for you, but Kaoru is usually more level-headed than that." Hikaru brushed off the mild insult and replied, "I don't know what's wrong with him. Was it something we said?" Hunny-sempai's eyes glazed over and he shouted, "Poor Kao-chan! What did we do to him?!"

"It's not your fault," Mori said in his usual monotone. Tamaki intervened, as always. He stood up enthusiastically. He had been quiet for much too long, so obviously he had been cooking up a plan. His "idea finger" was raised above his head and he said, "Well then, we can't just sit here not knowing what's wrong. We have to find Kaoru cheer him up! No member of the Host Club shall be unhappy! Not under my watch!" The club members rolled their eyes. Kyouya calmly looked up from his notebook that he had been diligently writing in. Being the first to pick up on everything, he said, "Now, I think we should leave him alone." A small, casual smile crossed his lips. "He probably just needs some time to think right now."

Hikaru and Tamaki shouted together, "What could he possibly have to think about so suddenly?!" A lightbulb flashed in Haruhi's head. She smiled and laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck, "Umm, I agree with Kyouya. We shouldn't bother him right now. Besides, if he ran out so quickly, it probably means he doesn't want us to question him. If he really needs to talk to someone, he can confide in Hikaru." Tamaki's cheeks reddened. He whispered, "Haruhi…"

Haruhi cautiously looked up at him. Tamaki underwent another sudden change in attitude.

"That was so cute!" He shouted, suffocating her in a tight embrace. "The way you smiled like that! You're so adorable when you're nervous!" Haruhi rolled her eyes, which for reasons beyond her control, were now buried in Tamaki's chest. Hikaru interrupted Tamaki's swooning. "Uh, boss. I think I should probably look for Kaoru. You know, in case he needs to talk."

Hunny stood up slowly, rubbing his eyes. "Takashi, I wanna go home, too. I'm getting sleepy."

"Kay," said Mori, a man of few words. Kyouya stood up and said, "I think we all should get going. After all, it looks like it's going to storm soon." Haruhi, still wrapped in Tamaki's arms, looked up at him worriedly. Tamaki held her closer, protecting her like a father. "Sempai," she said quietly, "I'll be fine. It's not storming yet."

They looked around them and suddenly realized that they were alone. With this came the realization that they were practically embracing. Haruhi jolted and quickly pulled away from her sempai, laughing awkwardly. She quickly changed the subject. "Sempai?"

"Yeah?" He answered eagerly. He was tempted to ask if she'd fallen for him. "Don't you have to leave, too?" Tamaki's shoulders slumped. Then, knowing Haruhi's father was out of town and that Haruhi was afraid of thunderstorms, his face lit up.

"Haruhi, if you wanted to, you could come to my house for a while. You know, if you need company." He was truly and genuinely worried for her, but she just thought he was making a pass at her.

"Sempai, do you really think I'm that naïve?"

Tamaki's face turned white as a sheet. "No, I'm serious! I just wanted to know if you were going to be alright on your own!"

"Thanks, but I'm fine." Haruhi said, slightly annoyed. "I think I'll just stay here until the storm passes. I don't want to have to walk home in the rain."

"I could have my chauffer give you a ride home." Tamaki seemed a little too eager.

"Sempai, I said I'm fine. Like I've said before, I'm used to getting through stuff like this on my own."

Tamaki's face became stone, and he looked down, as if searching for words. "Haruhi," he began, "I think I know what your problem is."

"What problem?!"

"Just listen. You are so used to being by yourself and doing things for yourself, that you are afraid to let anyone else do anything for you. You are so afraid to cause other people trouble, that you just cause more trouble for yourself. You don't deserve to put that kind of burden on yourself. You should understand that sometimes people don't just offer to help you because they are being nice. Some people want to help you because they truly care about you, and they don't like to see you unhappy."

There was a long pause. Haruhi was a little surprised to hear Tamaki be so sincere. Tamaki continued. "It would make me feel better to give you a ride home."

Haruhi stood still, her eyes wide. Her eyes met Tamaki's. The worry in his eyes melted her tension, and she sighed. "Okay, Sempai."


	4. Too Much To Ask

Too Much to Ask

"Dammit, Hikaru," Kaoru whispered to no one. He clutched his knees to his chest with one arm, and mindlessly bounced a tennis ball against the wall with the other. "Why did you have to bring this up again?" He didn't know who he was talking to. Partially to himself, partially to his absent brother. "Why does this keep happening to me? God, what's wrong with me?!" This was not the first time these weird, confusing thoughts clouded his mind.

_His little red head rested on his brother's shoulder as they sat beneath the cherry-blossom tree in their back yard. His eleven-year-old mind was spinning. One of their maids had recently talked with them about…changes. It was the same talk most mothers gave their pubescent children when the time is right. The birds and the bees, that old thing. But for some reason, this talk frightened Kaoru more than anything had before. The thought of loving someone more than he loved his brother, the person in his life that meant more to him than anything or anyone else, terrified him. But worse was the thought that Hikaru could love someone more than he loved Kaoru. It was a selfish thought, he knew, but it practically ripped his heart out._

"_Hikaru?" His young voice began. The older looked down at his brother, who didn't return the gaze. _

"_What is it?"_

"_Do you love me?"_

_Hikaru froze. He looked at his brother like he was mad. He searched Kaoru for some kind of hidden meaning._

"_Kaoru," Hikaru laughed, "You already know the answer to that question. Of course I love you, you know that."_

_Kaoru lifted his head off his brother's shoulder. His eyes dug deep into Hikaru; into his soul, deciphering him. "Hikaru," his small voice was hesitant, "will you promise me that no one…" He trailed off._

_"No one what, Kaoru?"_

_"No," Kaoru said, frustrated with himself. His eyes fixed on the pink petals below him. He stood up and turned his back to his mirror image. "It's too much to ask. Forget I said anything."_

_"Hikaru stood silently for a moment, and then smiled as realization clicked in his head. He walked slowly, approaching his brother from behind. He wrapped his arms around his brother's waist and rested his head on his shoulder. "You know that no one could ever replace you, right Kaoru?"_

_Kaoru gasped and jerked his head up. He spun around to look his twin in the eye. _

"_How did you--" He was interrupted by a finger that was identical to his, pressed to the lips that were identical to Hikaru's. Hikaru put his hand atop an identical head, mussing up identical hair._

"_Twins," he smiled, "remember?"_

_Kaoru smiled, "Do you promise that we will always have each other? No matter what?"_

"_I promise." The twins smiled, but inside Kaoru screamed. He knew that his brother could never really promise that. One day, Hikaru will find someone who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and Kaoru knew it would not be him. But no matter how hard he tried, the younger Hitachiin could not imagine living his life with anyone but Hikaru. What kind of life would that be?_

Kaoru came back to reality. He didn't know where he was, nor did he care. He came to escape reality, and just hide inside his head for a while. "Maybe I'm just being selfish," he thought. "I guess I'm so used to being the only person in his life that I'm not willing to let anyone else in. That explains why I'm so jealous, I guess. But why does he always make my cheeks so red? Why does he make our brotherly love act so believable? Why do I get that feeling when I look into his eyes that I never want to look away? How do I explain that?"

"Dammit!" He shouted, pelting the tattered tennis ball at the wall. He pulled himself up off the floor and dragged his feet behind him as he walked. He staggered in the dark, his head hanging, until his forehead hit a cold wall. He didn't move, he just let his body remain held up by the wall.

"Dammit," he repeated at a whisper. "What is wrong with me?"


	5. Guessing Game

Guessing Game

Kaoru's body slumped. His arms hang limply at his sides, and he leaned, forehead first, on a wall. For what seemed like hours, he was completely alone, in a dark, unknown classroom. Suddenly, he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder. His entire body electrified with mixed emotions. He was partially in shock, partially angry, and partially confused.

"Kaoru," the voice was too quiet to echo. "I was so worried about you. What made you decide to come to a science room? I'm surprised you didn't break anything, flinging this ball around." Hikaru's tone was playful, but concerned. He smiled a little, and threw the tennis ball in the air above his hand repeatedly.

"Hmm, so this is a science room," Kaoru said. His voice was monotone, but distracted. The corners of Hikaru's mouth fell, and Hikaru clutched the ball tightly. His arm slithered across Kaoru's shoulder, and he said in his ear, "Kaoru, what's wrong?" Kaoru felt his face heat up again. He whispered a curse to himself and thought, "Why does this keep happening?" He squirmed out from under Hikaru's arm.

"Kaoru, are you… Are you angry with me?" His voice cracked, sounding hurt and suddenly miserable. A knife twisted in Kaoru's chest.

"No," he mumbled. "I'm not angry with you. _You_ should be the one who is angry with _me_."

Hikaru was surprised, but he smiled and playfully crawled into the space between Kaoru and the wall. He kneeled on the ground, looking up into Kaoru's eyes. "You are starting to sound like me," he joked. Kaoru closed his eyes tight and turned his face away from his brother's.

"I could never be mad at you," Hikaru said. His voice was incredibly sincere. His arm reached up and his fingers brushed across his younger brother's cheek. Kaoru's face grew pink and hot again. He quickly jerked away from his brother's touch, turning his back you him and walking hurriedly across the room.

"You couldn't possibly understand." He said with a quiet intensity. Not even _he_ understood what he was feeling. Why should Hikaru?

Hikaru sat against the wall, his head hanging. "I guess Haruhi was wrong about you wanting to talk."

This, for reasons Kaoru didn't understand, sent his mind spinning into a fit of rage. He turned to look his brother in the eye for the first time since they'd left the Host Club.

"It's always about Haruhi, isn't it?" He shouted.

"K-Kaoru…I—"

"Shut up!" Kaoru's eyes widened as he realized what he had said, and he covered his mouth. There was a long, loud silence that hung in the air like black smoke. Kaoru felt his eyes moisten. His hands balled into fists, and his head hung low. The fury caused his arms to tremble.

"See," he practically whispered, "this is exactly why you should be mad at me. This stupid selfishness. Stupid jealousy!"

Hikaru's eyes widened. "Jealousy?" His eyebrows creased. "Kaoru, since when are _you _the jealous type? Man, you really _are_ starting to sound like me! Is that what this is about? Jealousy?" Guilt gnawed at Hikaru's stomach like rats. How could he have been so clueless? "Kaoru, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you liked Haruhi that much. I mean, you didn't seen too troubled when that one kid came to the pension where she worked."

"Arai wasn't you, Hikaru!" Kaoru shouted. "I don't care about him!"

"Then why does it make a difference if it's me or him?" Hikaru was getting annoyed.

Kaoru growled in frustration, clenching his fists tighter. "Ugh! Arai has nothing to do with anything! _Haruhi_ has nothing to do with anything!"

Hikaru felt the shock like a kick to the ribs. "But you just said—"

"There's no way you could possibly understand," Kaoru repeated, louder this time.

Hikaru threw his hands in the air. "You're right, Kaoru. I don't understand!" He shouted, hotly. "So why don't you explain it to me instead of playing these stupid guessing games?"

Kaoru closed his eyes, letting his anger subside. As calmly as he could manage, he walked over to a curtained window. He drew back the curtain part of the way and sat on the window sill, watching the rain fall down the glass. "I can't," he said quietly. "I don't even know how to explain this to myself. It's all just a guessing game, and I just keep coming back to that one stupid answer." He stood up again, letting the curtain fall. Light refracted eerily off the glass beakers and test tubes. "But the answer is wrong. It's all wrong! There is no right answer. The only answer that seems to make the most sense to me is the worst of them all! It's beyond wrong. It's sick!" He closed his eyes again. "I hate myself for even considering it. But it's the only option! It's the only thing that makes sense!"

He walked slowly toward his brother, avoiding eye contact. Half a foot away from him, he stopped. Their golden eyes met. In that moment, Kaoru's eyes filled with tears. His head fell heavily onto Hikaru's shoulder. Between sobs, he swore at himself. A pang of guilt hit Hikaru like a speeding truck. He didn't understand why his brother was upset, but he understood that he was the cause of the agony his brother was feeling, and the thought practically murdered him. He gently rubbed his brother's back, trying to comfort him. Tears brimmed in his eyes, but he did not set them free. He could not cry in front of his brother, it would put Kaoru in more pain. The quiver of his voice gave away his pain as he spoke.

"Kaoru, you know that you are the most important person in the world to me. I would give up oxygen before I gave you up."

"Nothing lasts forever," Kaoru said.


	6. Comfort

Comfort

"Kaoru, listen to me." Hikaru said." Nothing can come between us. Not even Haruhi. I love you, Kaoru."

Kaoru's hand was gripped tightly around Hikaru's sleeve. His nails were nearly digging into Hikaru's flesh. Hearing his brother say these words just made him angrier with himself.

"Those words have a whole different meaning to you, don't they?" He pushed himself away from Hikaru and bolted out the double door. His eyes pulsed with pain as he ran into the brightly lit hallway. "Stupid!" He shouted at himself. "Stupid, stupid!"

Hikaru followed him out the door and down the hall, letting his tears go as he ran. "Kaoru!" he shouted, voice filled with pain. Then, Kaoru said something Hikaru had never expected to hear. Six words with the ability to rip Hikaru's heart out of his chest, still beating. Kaoru ran faster and screamed, "I wish you weren't my brother!"

There it was. A declaration that murdered Hikaru, ripped out his insides, tore out his heart. He skidded to a halt. Kaoru had left him in a too familiar position. Again he stood, watching his brother disappear down the hall, reaching out for him just like before. Only this time, his body was a stone statue. His chest crumbled into gravel. His entire body crumbled away into ruins, until he was nothing but a lifeless pile of dust.

Haruhi was fascinated. She'd never ridden in a limo before. She tried to contain her fascination, but was failing miserably.

"Whoa, there's a TV in here?" She played with the remote, wide eyed. In an attempt to turn on the TV, she accidentally rolled up the divider between the back seat and the driver.

"A universal remote?"

"Yeah," Tamaki replied casually. He took the remote from her and said, "Watch this!" he pointed the remote at the roof, there an opening appeared.

"But it's raining!" Haruhi screamed, grabbing for the remote.

"Don't worry, there's glass. We won't get wet. Besides, I think the rain is calming down." In a stroke of bad timing, a flash of lightening lit up the limo through the moon roof, followed by a crash of thunder. Haruhi's hair stood on end and she shrieked. Without thinking, she clung to Tamaki's shirt, burying her face in his chest. She balled the cloth of his shirt in her fists, terrified.

"I'm so sorry," Tamaki said, blushing like a tomato and scrambling for the remote to the moon roof. The divider came down a few inches, and the chauffer's voice came into the cab. "Are you alright, miss?" His eyes found the two of them huddled in the rearview mirror, and widened. "Oh, sorry Master Tamaki. Don't mind me." He smiled and rolled up the divider again. Haruhi jumped and nervously pushed away from her sempai. "N-No! It's not like that!"

At that moment, another flash of lightening lit up the limo throught the windows. A yelp came to Haruhi's throat and she curled into a ball with her hands over her head. Tornado drill position. Tamaki ran his hand slowly up and down Haruhi's back, comfortingly. A few minutes passed, and he put his lips to her ear. "You can open your eyes now." Haruhi slowly uncurled from her position, hesitantly looking around her. Somehow, the windows were pitch black. "How did you do that?" she asked Tamaki.

"The windows have a remote controlled tinting system," he replied. "You can't see the lightening anymore." He pointed the remote at a box in the ceiling, and softly, a beautiful piano concerto started playing. The music grew louder. "And hopefully this will help drown out the thunder. Unfortunately I don't have any ear-plugs."

Haruhi looked into Tamaki's violet eyes and smiled. "Thank you, sempai. You can be really cool sometimes, you know."

Tamaki blushed harder, looking away from Haruhi. A quieter crash of lightening rumbled, and Haruhi tensed a little. She tried really hard not to give away her fear, but the whimpering sounds in her throat betrayed her. Tamaki's hand landed on her shoulder. He didn't put his arm around her like he wanted to. Haruhi inched closer to him. Crash! A louder strike shook the car. Tamaki jolted when Haruhi's head ended up on his shoulder. Electricity was coursing through his body when he felt Haruhi's arm around his waist. He was shocked to discover that his arm had betrayed his brain and ended up around Haruhi's dainty shoulders. The action was instinctive. Something inside him wanted nothing more than to protect her. Forever.

To his surprise, Haruhi did not pull away.

"See, aren't you glad I gave you a ride home?" he smiled. "It's so much easier when you don't have to get through things on your own, huh?"

A small voice replied, "Thanks, Tamaki." His eyes widened. Tamaki? She never called him that. Did he just cross the line from being her sempai to being her companion? Her friend?


	7. Stay

Stay

They hadn't noticed the limousine come to a stop. When the door opened, Haruhi scuttled away from Tamaki again. "We've arrived, miss." The chauffer held out a white gloved hand. She quickly climbed out the door, refusing the chauffer's help. Tamaki followed. In the distance, Haruhi noticed a figure. For a moment, she forgot the rain and just stood, squinting at the shadow. The boy stared back, eyeing the limousine. Eyeing Tamaki. His eyes were angry, but the corners of his mouth were pulled up into a smirk. Anger coiled up in her stomach.

Another crash of lightening jogged her memory, and she sprinted up the stairs and into her apartment. She kicked off her dripping shoes by the door. Behind her, she could hear another pair of footsteps that had followed her into her apartment. She jumped and spun to face the intruder.

"Get out of my _house_!" She screamed. She gasped when she saw the face of the intruder she was screaming at.

"What the hell?" Tamaki said, "I give you a ride home, and _this_ is how you repay me?"

"Sorry," said Haruhi, still yelling. "I thought you were someone else."

"Who else would I be?!"

Haruhi sighed. "Nothing, I just thought I saw someone outside." A memory came to Haruhi's mind.

"_Hey," a voice shouted. "Little girl, come here!" Haruhi, age thirteen, turned to face the boy. _

"_What do you want?"_

_The boy laughed, menacingly. "Oh, you're feisty. I didn't expect much from the tranny's daughter."_

_Haruhi's head grew hot with anger. "There's nothing wrong with my dad, and there's nothing wrong with me." She said, calmly._

"_Dad?" he jeered, "You mean, you don't call him 'Mommy'? It doesn't bother you that your daddy's a fag?"_

"_Don't call him that!" Haruhi clenched her tiny fists._

"_Or what? You won't do anything. You're just a fag's daughter. Good thing your mom's dead, huh? Now your daddy can be the mom he's always wanted to be. When your mommy died, I bet he thought to himself, 'good riddance.'" The corners of his mouth twisted into a crooked smirk._

"_He did not!" Haruhi yelled. "Don't you dare talk about my mom and dad like that!"_

_The boy lifted her up by the shirt collar. "Shut up, kid," he growled. "You're unwanted. You're not even meant to be here. Your dad's a faggy tranny. He didn't love your mom, so how could he love you?"_

"_THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Haruhi screamed._

_The boy dropped her onto the ground, and she landed on her knees. Tears stung in her eyes. The boy's shoe drove into her stomach and she fell over onto the ground. While she was weak and in pain, he reached into her pocket and pulled out nothing. "Figures," he said, angrily. "You don't have any money anyway. You were a waste of time. He turned his back to her and walked away. Just before he turned away, he said, "Tell your daddy 'hi' for me." Haruhi gave the boy a look that could freeze fire. _

Haruhi was called back into reality by Tamaki's hand waving in front of her face. She shook her head. "But anyway," she said, "Why are you in my house, Sempai?"

"I was just making sure you got in okay," he replied.

"Well thanks, but I'm inside now. You can leave." Her words were interrupted by a crash of thunder and a loud scream. Out of habit, she ran and hid under her kotatsu table like she always did during storms. Tamaki walked to the table and knelt in front of it, peering under the blanket. Haruhi's fearful expression made his heart ache, but he smiled.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you? You look like you could use the company."

"I'm fine," she lied. She knew she _wanted_ the company, and yet she kept pushing him away. Suddenly, the words Tamaki had said back at the school played back in her head.

"_You are so afraid to cause other people trouble, that you cause more trouble for yourself… Some people offer to help because they truly care about you, and they don't like to see you unhappy."_ The last sentence reverberated in her head. She was brought back to reality when Tamaki stood up and sighed.

"Well, I won't force you to let me stay. If you're sure…"

"Wait!" Haruhi's voice was small, but full of meaning. "Will you…" she poked her head out from under the table. "Will you stay with me?"

Tamaki blushed again and smiled. "I'd be delighted." 


	8. Epiphany

Epiphany

The ceiling seemed to spin above Hikaru's head. His fingers were wrapped tightly around the tennis ball his twin had left behind. He held on to that tennis ball as if it were more precious than life itself. It was the only part of Kaoru he felt like he had left. This was so sudden. How long had Kaoru felt like this? How long had he secretly hated his own twin brother, the only person he ever truly cared about? Kaoru had mentioned this before, that they would someday drift apart, but Hikaru thought he was overreacting. It never occurred to him that Kaoru might no longer want to be in his life. He was disowned by his twin brother; his best friend.

"I wish you weren't my brother." The words bounced off the walls of Hikaru's mind, trapped like a caged bird. No other thoughts could get in, and the memory certainly couldn't escape. Hikaru clutched the tennis ball to his chest. If he were fully conscious, he would have realized how many hours he'd been lying in the very spot Kaoru had left him in. He would have realized the sky was getting dark, and the rain that pelted the glass was getting harder, but he was _not _fully conscious. He was rendered motionless by the agony of guilt and betrayal. Each crash of thunder was Kaoru's angry cry. Each flash of lightening was Kaoru's distraught expression. As long as he's been alive, Hikaru had never seen Kaoru make that face. The very thought of it ripped out his insides, especially since he knew he had apparently brought on the agony.

"What have I done?" He thought aloud. His voice was dry and cracking; these were the first words he had spoken in an hour or two.

"I don't know," a low, gravelly voice replied, taking Hikaru aback, "but you must be pretty devastated if you'd rather be at school than at home at this hour." A tiny twitch moved Hikaru's body, but he ignored the impulse to sit up and address the speaker. His mind was too tired to make him move. Instead, he lifted his chin up and looked up and behind him, his head still on the ground. There he saw the upside down figure of husky man in a gray jumpsuit, accompanied by a large rolling trashcan.

Hikaru sighed and looked out the window. On an ordinary day, the sight of the dark sky would make him bolt upright in panic, but today he just sighed and lay there, limp. He croaked out, "What's the time?" His grip on the tennis ball tightened and he focused on the ceiling again.

"Don't worry," the janitor replied, "It's not as late as it looks, what with the storm and all. It's only 18:45. Shouldn't you be getting' home to dinner?" The words were muffled by a chunk of sandwich the janitor had just bitten.

"Hmm…" was all Hikaru could manage. He hadn't even thought of food. He hadn't thought of anything but Kaoru.

"Hey kid," the janitor said, a hint of concern in his voice, "are you okay? Do you want a tissue or something?" Hikaru wrinkled his eyebrows, confused. He brought his fingers to his face and found that his cheeks were wet. Had he been crying? His eyes were stinging. "Do you need to call a cab or something?"

Hikaru closed his eyes and sat upright. Though the movement was slow, it still made him dizzy. "It's okay," he replied after a moment. He heard the sound of footsteps, and when he opened his eyes, the janitor was in front of him, extending a hand. Reluctantly, Hikaru took the hand and stood up, his legs shaky. The two strangers' eyes met for a moment, and they could both read the emotion in the other's eyes. The janitor's were full of genuine concern; Hikaru's were full of anguish. The expression in the janitor's eyes became more understanding, and he said comfortingly, "Girl trouble?"

Hikaru's eyebrows furrowed. He was surprised, and a little annoyed that a common janitor would even acknowledge his problems, or care either way. Although, he'd by lying if he said he wasn't a little touched. This was one of the few times that someone wasn't intimidated by him, or truly saw him as an individual. He knew it was because Kaoru was not with him. The little bubble they had formed was broken. "Not exactly," he replied, breaking eye contact.

"Oh," the janitor replied. "Sorry, you just seemed to me like a guy who just got dumped."

Hikaru's insides twisted again, and the pain was visible in his face. "You could say that," he replied.

"Oh, there I go again," the janitor laughed awkwardly. "I'm sticking my nose in business that ain't mine. I apologize."

"No, it's fine," Hikaru said, though he really sort of wished the janitor would go away. He knew it was healthier to talk to people than to keep his emotions bottled up, but he still wasn't ready to let someone else into his life. He had already let more people into his heart in the past year than he had in his entire life. The lock around Kaoru's heart might have been entirely broken, he thought, but _his_ lock was stronger than ever. Now that Kaoru was gone, he had no one to share it with.

The janitor decided not to pry anymore, but he wanted to give the kid some advice to make him feel better. "Well," he said, "I can tell you're a good kid, and if someone did something to make you this upset…well, they don't deserve you." It was a typical pepper-upper line, and he really didn't know what he meant by it, but for some reason it had caused Hikaru to erupt. The sadness that had been coiled up in his stomach transformed into fury and slithered up his throat. The cork was finally blown off the bottled up emotions, and its contents exploded into the hallway.

"NO!" he shouted. "Never say that! You don't understand! _I _am the one who doesn't deserve _him!_ I was so lucky to have him in my life. He was my life-long best friend. My _only_ friend! He was my _brother!_ And I took that for granted. I didn't realize how much he means to me until he disappeared. And now he doesn't even want to be a part of my life. And it's _my_ fault!" He stepped toward the janitor and grabbed the collar of his jumpsuit. "_Never_ say Kaoru doesn't deserve me! He was always there for me. Always! But when have I been there for him, lately? What have I done for _him?!_" He pushed away from the shocked janitor and turned his back to him. His voice lowered, along with his eyes. "How could I be so stupid? I've been pushing him away. All this time, I've been pushing him away! All he ever did was love me. Doesn't he see that I love him, too?!"

Hikaru gaped and his eyes widened. That was it. That was the answer. He finally put the pieces together. All this time, he'd been pushing his brother away, all because someone new came into his life. He was so preoccupied with Haruhi, that he forgot his own brother. It wasn't until Kaoru was gone did he realize what he had been missing. He turned around to face the janitor and placed his hands on the janitor's sweaty shoulders. Just before turning around and running toward the door, he looked the man in the eye and whispered, "Thank you."

Hikaru ran out into the rain, without looking back. In the hallway remained a shocked janitor. A slight smile curled the man's lips, and he whispered to no one, "Glad I could help."


	9. Horizon

Horizon

The storm began to die down, but was already long forgotten. After a couple of hours, the thunder and lightning were completely out of Haruhi's mind. She was actually having a _good time._

"I'm not used to just . . . hanging out like this," she said, wiping her eyes. They had been _laughing._ Laughing _together. _And Tamaki had not _once_ tried one of his lines on her or tried to win her over like she'd expected.

Tamaki wiped his eyes with his shirt collar and sighed, "I know! Who knew you could actually have _fun _for a change?" Haruhi punched him in the arm playfully. "Shut up," she laughed. This caught them both by surprise. Haruhi stared at her arm as if it had moved on its own, and then she stiffened. "I mean . . . Sempai," she added.

Tamaki sighed again, this time in distaste. "Why are you always so formal with me?" His tone was serious, and his eyes had a melancholy gleam. Haruhi didn't know how to answer this question; she'd never really thought about it before.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "Well, you _are_ my sempai."

"Yes, but you don't have to think of me as just a sempai . . ." Tamaki caught himself. "Just." That word could have so many different connotations. Did he want to be more than a sempai? Did he want to be more than just a friend?

_Well, of course, _he thought. _I'm her Daddy. _

A sudden uneasy feeling swept over him. _Why does that never sound right?_

"What do you mean?" Haruhi's question had brought him back into reality.

"I mean," the king began, "don't you think we're . . . well . . ." He paused, making Haruhi nervous. She didn't know if she was ready for him to spill his guts just yet.

Finally Tamaki said, "Friends?"

Friends? Is that all he wanted them to be? Surely Tamaki must have some other intention. Haruhi had always thought of them as being friends, but she had always thought that he had different feelings.

"Well, we . . . _are _friends. Aren't we?" She asked, confused.

Tamaki's heart skipped a beat, but he tried to hide it. "Oh, yeah. Yes. Of course." He averted his eyes from her, and she did the same.

"Okay. Well . . ." Their eyes met for an awkward second, but they quickly escaped from the other's glance. A simultaneous laugh for lack of words broke the silence. It felt so weird for them to be laughing together. It was comfortable somehow, but weird. Realizing that the silence was _too_ silent, they looked toward the window and listened for sounds of rain pelting the glass. The sheet Tamaki had hung up to block the lightening was now letting in a blue-grey, morning-like glow. Tamaki cautiously moved the sheet to see outside, and then turned around and smiled. "Good news!" he said enthusiastically. "The rain has stopped!" Though he was smiling, a sad feeling came over him again. He didn't want to leave, but he didn't know why. He had protected her from the storm, like a good Daddy should. Why did he still feel the need to be near her?


	10. Oxygen

**Sorry sorry sorry, you guys! I've been really busy with play rehearsal, but here's the next chapter, and it's getting angsty! Yay angst! I'm really suprised I have so many views! Why am I ending every sentence with an exclamation point?! Okay, I'll stop.**

**Enjoy.**

Oxygen

The door to the Hitachiin manor slammed and echoed throughout the eerily silent house. The twin maids greeted Hikaru like they always did, though today they looked uncharacteristically concerned. Hikaru didn't even bother to kick off his dripping shoes as he pushed past the maids and up the stairs. Worried calls of, "Where were you, Master Hikaru?" and "Is your brother upset, Master Hikaru?" chased him up the stairs, but he ignored them. The run home had been a blur; a rainy and painful blur. It didn't register in Hikaru's mind what exactly he was about to do until he reached the top of the stairs. His feet froze where he stood. He was about to spill everything he was feeling right now to his brother. He was about to risk giving up Haruhi in order to make his brother happy.

_Am I ready to do this?_

He brushed the thought away and continued to run down the hall to the room they shared. To his surprise, when he reached the room he found the door open, the sheets intact, and Kaoru absent. The emptiness punched him in the stomach and he could no longer breathe, and though it was filled with fresh, after-storm light, the room was dark to him.

In the doorway, he turned on his heels to face the door across the hall. It was closed like it usually was; Kaoru hadn't really gone in there since they first got separate rooms. He had tried to sleep without Hikaru for a few nights, but always ended up crawling back into bed with him. They weren't really ready to separate, yet. If Kaoru was in there now, it would mean that they had finally, truly grown apart. Hikaru's esophagus grew tighter, like the very thought was choking him.

_Just breathe, _he thought. _Breathe in. Deep breath. Let it out. I can do this._

Slowly, carefully, he opened the door. A colourful porcelain elephant sat blank-faced and unaware on the table beside the empty bed. Hikaru almost left the room in cowardice, until he saw him. There, on the window sill, he saw the back of an acorn-coloured head. A mixture of relief and terror washed over Hikaru, causing him to forget his efforts to remain silent. The door creaked. Kaoru perked up and whipped his head around to face his brother.

The moment that followed was too long, yet nowhere near long enough, for when Hikaru's eyes met Kaoru's, it was as if he were a drowning man rediscovering oxygen. But, the sadness and fear in Kaoru's eyes was too much to bear, and he quickly looked away. Kaoru buried his face in the pillow he held clutched to his chest. Hikaru hid the pain this brought him by turning his face away. His fingers squeezed around the sopping wet tennis ball he didn't know he still had. He straightened his body and breathed deeply again. Slowly, he approached his brother and placed the soaked ball on the pillow beside his head.

"You left something behind," he said, forcing a small, playful smile. "It must have missed you."

Kaoru unburied his head from the pillow he clutched in his lap, but avoided Hikaru's gaze. He couldn't face him. He couldn't face himself. Instead he stared blankly out the window and clenched his fists around the pillowcase. "Why are you…" he began. "What do you want?"

The sound of Kaoru's voice, though it was tarnished with gloom, made Hikaru fill complete. Oxygen. That's what Kaoru was to him. Hikaru hadn't realize how much he needed him until he was gone. The puzzle pieces were back together again, and though the pieces were mangled and ripped, they still fit.

"I want…I want to know what's wrong with you."

"Trust me," Kaoru replied, "you don't."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He started to yell, but willed himself to calm down. He was replacing sadness with anger again, like he usually did. "Of course I want to know," he sighed. "You have a really bad habit of keeping your thoughts to yourself. I share your face…" he sat beside his brother on the window sill. "I guess I just can't share your thoughts." Hikaru's hand rested atop Kauru's usually identical once, but today the tenseness of Kaoru's fist through off the similarity. As soon as Hikaru's fingers touched his skin, Kaoru jerked away and slid to the other side of the sill, seemingly horrified.

"Please," he said, still avoiding Hikaru's eyes. "I'm sorry, but please, just don't touch me. You're just…"

Hikaru's anger got the better of him again. "I'm just what, Kaoru? I'm trying to help!"

"Well, I don't want your help!" Kaoru shouted at his reflection in the window.

"Well, then what, Kaoru? What do you want me to do?" His tone was bitter. "I'll do whatever you want, just stop being so freaking confusing!"

"Fine!" Kaoru screamed and turned to face his brother. "I want you to…I want you to leave me alone!"

Hikaru's eyes widened and he stepped backward. "What are you talking about?!" He was full-out screaming now. "I _have_ been leaving you alone! You've been _forcing _me to leave you alone! I want to know _why!_"

Kaoru was finally brought to his feet. "I can't!" The volume of his voice dropped significantly, until he was practically at a whisper. "I can't tell you."


	11. A Porcelain Heart

A Porcelain Heart

"But why not?" Hikaru whispered. His eyes brimmed with the tears he wouldn't let fall. "I miss the days when I could tell you everything."

"That's where we're different," Kaoru droned. "You never had secrets. You could tell me whatever you wanted to, but I could _never_ tell you everything."

"But. . . I thought. . ."

"I told you most. . . But never everything. I guess I was hoping that it would just go away. That it was just a phase."

"Kaoru, what are you talking about?"

"Do you _want _to hate me?" Kaoru's scream echoed in the empty room. "I told you, just leave it alone!" Kaoru sighed and sat back on the window sill. The cherry blossom tree stared back at him from the courtyard outside the window, bringing back painful memories. "Maybe it's better if you do hate me."

Hikaru's anger subsided. "I told you, I could never hate you."

"Well you should," Kaoru said under his breath. "I'm disgusting."

"Kaoru, what has gotten into you? When did you become so self-loathing?"

"When I realized how wrong this is!" Silence filled the air again. "I mean it," he whispered. "Hate me. I'm just pulling you back. You can be with Haruhi if you want. You _should_ be with Haruhi. It's _right._ It's selfish to expect you to stay away from her."

With these words, Hikaru remembered what he was there to do. He slowly approached his twin and gently positioned his fingers beneath his chin. Kaoru hated himself even more as he felt his face grow hot again. He loved the feeling, but he hated himself for feeling it.

"Kaoru," Hikaru said as he forced his way into Kaoru's view, "this is what I came here to do." Kaoru's heart pounded and he loathed the sound in his ears. With each heartbeat he grew more and more disgusted with himself. _This can't be happening, _he thought_. It isn't right._

Then, to Kaoru's relief, Hikaru dropped his hand. "I came here to tell you that if being with Haruhi means having you hate me, then I'd rather step completely out of her life. Having you hate me is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I guess I was so fascinated with Haruhi because she was the only person who could tell us apart. I saw in her. . .opportunity, I guess. She was the only person who could ever love me for me, and not just for being a good-looking supposedly homosexual twin. But she doesn't love me, that much is obvious. Besides, that doesn't even matter now. I realized that I was completely overlooking the one person who always knew who I was and who I am." His hand rested on Kaoru's shoulder, and he smiled warmly. "So please, don't hate me. I can't take it."

You don't know how wrong you are," Kaoru said, his voice monotone. He stood up, keeping eye contact with his brother. "I don't hate you. That's probably the most untrue statement you've ever made." Kaoru's volume rose again. "Dammit!" He screamed. "Haven't you figured it out yet?!"

Sudden realization in the back of Hikaru's mind made his eyes widen, but he tried to brush the thought aside. _No_, he thought, _that's impossible._

"Don't you understand?!" Kaoru was on the brink of tears. The sharp sound of shattering porcelain filled the room with loud discomfort. Tiny shards of colourful elephant figurine's trunk fell to the ground like rain, and the round, green culprit ricocheted off the wall, bouncing back to Kaoru's feet. "I love you, dammit!" He fell to his knees, ignoring the vibrant shards that pierced his knees. The tears he had been choking on finally spilled out, and he hung his head in shame. "I love you."

The word "no" repeated over and over in Hikaru's head.

Hikaru's voice cracked and stuttered. He tried not to think about the many different meanings of those words. "Ah-I know that," he said, falling to his knees. "And…and I love you too, right? Like always?" Hikaru desperately tried to make Kaoru's words seem innocent.

"No, Hikaru," Kaoru whispered. He lay his hands on Hikaru's shoulders, squeezing them and staring deep into his eyes. "I. . ._love_ you."

The room was like a graveyard. Silent. Solitary. Dead. Hikaru's brain locked. All thought, all feeling was completely gone. Kaoru had left him frozen again, only this time not as a statue, but a corpse. Slowly, Hikaru broght his hand, twitching with confusion, to his head, but his eyes remained frozen forward. Finally his legs regained enough feeling to move. He stood with legs of gelatin and opened his mouth to speak. There was no sound. He stared into nothingness, trying to find his voice.

"I. . ." he stammered, "I have to go." His eyes never met Kaoru's. He spun on his heels and ran out the door, leaving his brother alone in his room. It was his turn to run off down the hall, unaware of where he was going or where he would stop. It was his turn to run off alone somewhere and think things over.

Kaoru's face were stained with tears. His knees were stained with blood. Through the glaze on his eyes, he saw the shattered elephant. "That elephant used to be the identical copy of the one in his room." Kaoru said to himself. He picked up a porcelain shard and twirled it in his fingers. "It makes sense that mine would end up shattered and deformed. It's just like me." He squeezed the shard in his palm, ignoring the pain.

"I'm disgusting."


	12. Cowardice

Cowardice

"Well…" Tamaki said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Well…" Haruhi said, doing the same.

They avoided eye contact and sat in silence waiting for the other to speak.

"Well I guess..." They said in unison. "Sorry. You go ahead. No, it's fine." A smile turned the corners of Haruhi's mouth. Laughing, she said, "I guess you'd better go."

"Yeah," Tamaki replied, clearing his throat. He turned around and opened the door, but before he could step outside, Haruhi spoke. "Um, Sempai? Well…Tamaki."

Tamaki's heart jumped again. He turned to face Haruhi's modest smile. Quietly she said, "Thanks." The sight of Haruhi's meek expression made Tamaki want to stay in her house forever. He wanted to come home with her every day, to laugh with her every day, to make her dinner, to drink her tea, to hear her voice…to kiss her goodnight. It made sense. Any daddy would want to do these things. Wouldn't they?

Tamaki smiled as he walked out the door and reluctantly descended the stairs. Haruhi smiled, too, as she watched him wait on the sidewalk, fishing for his cell phone. _He really is a good guy, _she thought.

A small movement on the street corner caught Tamaki's eye. He brushed it aside; it was probably nothing important. Eventually his natural curiosity got the better of him. He squinted into the shadows, straining to find the source of the sound. A tall figure stepped out of the shadows, taking Tamaki by surprise. The figure approached him hurriedly. Being the well-mannered high-class boy he was, Tamaki tipped his head and smiled, bidding the figure a silent "good day." The face of the boy was finally close enough for Tamaki to see the harsh expression it wore.

The corners of Tamaki's mouth dropped and his eyebrows furrowed. "Can I help you, sir?"

The boy smirked. He was at least six inches taller than Tamaki, and visibly bulkier. His hair was cut short and his face was stained with dirt and malice. "I have a feeling you can," he said, almost laughing. Without hesitation, the boy's fist hammered hard into Tamaki's stomach, hurling him onto the concrete.

Coughing and sputtering, Tamaki looked up at the boy and said, "What do you want?" The boy dug his heel into Tamaki's chest, knocking the wind out of him again.

"Where's your limo, rich boy?" The boy cackled, stomping on Tamaki's chest again.

"Please…stop," Tamaki said through gasps of air. "Just tell me what you want."

"Why don't you get up and fight, you rich little snob?" The goon's grubby fingers were clasped around Tamaki's shirt collar, pulling him to his feet.

"I don't want to fight you." Tamaki said, his tone severe.

"Figures," the boy said. "I didn't expect much from a pansy rich kid like you. Oh well," he said, mocking disappointment. "Guess this is gonna be easy. How boring." The boy's fist smacked into Tamaki's eye. Blood filled his eye like tears, and soon he could only see red. "Hey," the assailant growled, "you must be a friend of that faggy tranny. I saw you come out of he-she-it's house. No wonder you won't put up a fight. I bet you're a pussy, too."

"Don't you dare talk about Ranka like that," Tamaki said, anger building in his voice.

"Oh, so that abomination has a name?" The boy jeered. "Or what? You gonna strap me to a chair and do my makeup?"

"Listen," Tamaki shouted, "If you have a problem with Haruhi's dad, then why are you taking it out on me?! You're nothing but a coward!"

The boy laughed, "Oh, don't worry. I wail on that daughter of his plenty."

Tamaki broke free from the boy's grasp and pinned him to a telephone pole, wrapping his fingers around the boy's neck. He whispered, his voice shuttering with anger, "If you lay one finger on Haruhi, I swear I will kill you myself."

The boy smirked and gasped through the choking, "Well, well, well. Looks like lover-boy can fight after all. Does little missy know how you feel? Who's the coward now, me or you?" These words took Tamaki by surprise. He loosened his grip on the boy's neck long enough for him to take advantage of the situation. Before Tamaki knew what happened, he was again overpowered by the grinning thug. "Well, that was fun while it lasted," he said through gritted teeth, "but I'm already bored. Just give me your money, and then I might walk away. Or I might just wail on you some m…" He was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder.

He let go of Tamaki and spun around. "What do you…?" a blow to the face cut him off and sent him flying toward the ground. His already crooked nose was now cracked and mangled and covered with blood. His once anger-soiled face now wore a peaceful, unconscious expression. Haruhi's bloody fist recoiled and she stood proudly and boldly. Tamaki stared at his assailant's unconscious body in shock. "Haruhi…"


	13. Knowing

Knowing

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" He screamed at her. "You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"Me?!" Haruhi screamed over Tamaki. "What about you?! I had to do _something! _That guy was gonna _kill _you!"

"That's none of your concern! I don't want you worrying about me, I could have handled it. That's no reason for you to put yourself in danger."

"Of course it's my concern!" Haruhi's voice grew louder. "You didn't deserve to be involved. It wasn't your fight!"

"You don't deserve to be involved, either, Haruhi! That kid had no business talking about your dad that way."

"But it's not your burden to bear, Tamaki!" At that moment, a limousine pulled up next to the side walk where they stood.

"Your burdens are mine, Haruhi." He was no longer yelling. "I will do whatever it takes to protect you!"

"And why is that?" Haruhi asked, still shouting. "I already have a father, you know!"

"I know," Tamaki said, looking at his feet. "I just…I don't know."

But Haruhi knew. Everyone knew. Everyone knew except for him.

"I think you do know, Tamaki. So why don't you just come out and say it?"

"I…" His voice cracked and then rose. "There's nothing to say."

Haruhi sighed and shook her head. "Tamaki, you idiot."

A honking horn caught the two of them off guard. The limousine that was waiting for Tamaki was different from the one that had dropped them off. The window in the back rolled down, revealing Kyouya's smirking face. "So," he said, "did you two have fun?"

They both stiffened and cleared their throats. Tamaki began, "Well, I have to…"

"Yeah," Haruhi said, staring at her shoes.

"So…see you…"

"At school, yeah."

"Well, uh…goodb—" To his surprise, Haruhi's arms were wrapped around his waist, and her head was buried in his chest. His face glowed bright pink.

"You'll figure it out eventually," she said. Without looking back, she turned around and walked up her stairs. Tamaki cocked his head to the side like a confused dog and watched her walk away. He looked down, remembering the unconscious thug at his feet. He pulled a fifty-dollar bill from his wallet and shoved it in the bleeding boy's pocket. "There," he said, "that should cover the nose-bleed. Do me a favor and buy yourself some manners."

Kyouya and Tamaki sat quietly for the majority of the ride home. Finally, Tamaki broke the silence. "What the hell do you keep smirking about?"

Kyouya's glasses flashed. "You still haven't figured it out, eh?"

"Figured what out?" Tamaki said, annoyed.

"You'll figure it out eventually," Kyouya said echoing Haruhi's words.

Tamaki's eyebrows furrowed. He felt like screaming at Kyouya and demanding to know what all the secrets were about, but somehow he felt like he knew. Instead he just said, "Thanks for the ride."

"Any time," Kyouya replied, lips remaining fixed in his all-knowing smirk.


	14. Beautiful Imperfection

**Hey everybody! Fire and Ice is almost over. Oh noes! The predicament between our beloved twins is soon to be resolved…**

**Stay tuned! Haha.**

Beautiful Imperfection

The scenery felt eerily familiar, but this time the innocence was gone. Gusts of wind caused tine pink petals to dance and whirl, brushing gently against Kaoru's skin. The immense tree reached its branches toward the sun, letting the beads of dew that collected on its leaves disappear into the air. The grass that surrounded him was as green and lively as ever, and completely unaware of Kaoru's misery. No matter the state of man, the flowers and birds and trees will go on as they always have. This comforted Kaoru somehow.

In another time or place, the picture would have been beautiful, but the memories that rested beneath that cherry blossom tree filled Kaoru with nostalgia. As painful as the memory had once seemed, he would have given anything to return to that time. He wished for a time when his secret was safe, and ignorance was bliss. He sighed and leaned his head against the tree's bark, watching the petals soar above him. His eyes closed, and he slipped into an alternate reality. There, he and Hikaru lived the way they always had, completely free of confusion and sin.

"I'm such an idiot," he whispered to himself. _I didn't have to tell him. What did I think would have come from it? Did I expect our lives to go on the way they always had? Did I expect him to love _me _the way I love him? No, _he thought. _Things will never be the same. And I'm to blame._

The emptiness of the courtyard mocked him. His brother was missing; Kaoru prepared to endure his absence forever. He didn't expect Hikaru to ever want to see him again. A movement in Hikaru's bedroom window caught his eye. For a moment, his heart stopped. He brushed it aside. _Probably just a maid, _he thought. _Hikaru is probably long gone by now._

. . .

_I don't understand, _Hikaru thought, gazing at his brother in the courtyard below. _He's my brother! How the hell can he feel this way? _The sight of Kaoru's pained expression twisted the knife deeper in Hikaru's stomach. He stood up, letting the curtains fall.

"Has he always felt like this?" He said to himself, pacing his room. It made sense to him. Kaoru's constant worrying that they'd grow apart, his blushing during the brotherly love acts, the fact that he was always the first to suggest ideas for the scripts. The way his heart would start pounding when he looked into Kaoru's eyes, the warm feeling he always got when he heard Kaoru's voice, his willingness to give up Haruhi just to be with him…

"When the hell did the tables turn?!" He shouted to himself. "Why am I suddenly putting _myself _in Kaoru's shoes?" His head was spinning. He lay on his back like he had before, and a whirlwind of questions soared above his head. Why did he feel so miserable when Kaoru was away? Why is Kaoru the first person on his mind every day? Why did he love waking up to Kaoru's face on the pillow beside his? When he added it all up, he could only come to one conclusion.

"No!" He screamed, sitting bolt upright. His head spun faster. "It's wrong."

It wasn't normal for brothers to hold hands or sleep in the same bed. It wasn't _right _for two brothers to feel so comfortable while pretending to be in love. It wasn't normal to have such a strong relationship with his brother. But he always just thought that was how they were. They knew they weren't normal…but this? Hikaru couldn't accept this.

"But why not?" He heard himself asking himself. The sound of his voice made him jump.

"What the hell do I mean why not?! It's wrong, dammit! He's my brother!"

It was Haruhi's voice responding this time. _But what about before?_

He jumped again and looked around. The voice seemed incredibly real, as if she were in the room. He looked around, and of course, he was still alone. For some reason, though he was talking to thin air, he responded to Haruhi's voice.

_What do you mean "what about before?"_

_Before this whole mess started, _Haruhi's voice responded, _did you love him?_

_Of course I loved him! I still do! Just not like _that…

_How do you know? _Haruhi's voice taunted.

"Shut up!" Hikaru said out loud. "I'm talking to myself! Geez, what is wrong with me?!"

He threw himself back onto the floor again. He found himself repeating the words over and over in his head. "How do you know?" How _did _he know? How did he know that the weird, unorthodox relationship they had before didn't exist because they really…? How did he know whether or not every "I love you" they'd exchanged wasn't really…? How did he know their acts of brotherly love weren't truly…?

_How do I know?_

_Okay, _he thought, pacing the room again, _let's think about this logically. When I'm around Haruhi, my hands get all clammy, my face gets hot, my heart starts to pound, and I can't think about anything else but her…_

…_and Kaoru. _

It was true. Kaoru never left Hikaru's mind. Even when he was alone with Haruhi, which was rare, he still thought about Kaoru. A voice in the back of his mind was constantly questioning, "Where is Kaoru? What's he doing right now? Would he be upset that I'm with Haruhi? Was our act today believable?"

_But all day today –Has it only been a day? – I've been thinking of nothing but Kaoru. Haruhi didn't cross my mind. Not once. _He stopped dead in the center of the room. _What was it that I said to Kaoru earlier?_

He instantly recalled what he had said about an hour ago: _"I guess I was so fascinated with Haruhi because she was the only person who could tell us apart. I saw in her. . .opportunity, I guess. But she doesn't love me, that much is obvious. Besides, that doesn't even matter now. I realized that I was completely overlooking the one person who always knew who I was and who I am."_ At that time, he had mostly said these words to keep Kaoru from feeling left out of his life...but where had they come from? He hadn't planned what he was going to say like he usually did; the words had just come out. He didn't even know what they meant an hour ago, but now it was all becoming clear.

Hikaru was lost inside his head, picking and deciphering every thought he'd had in the past sixteen years and trying to put the pieces together. "I know what we're feeling is wrong," he whispered to himself, "but why does it feel like this has been the right answer all along? All this time…I've been overlooking it. I…" He returned to reality when his toe slammed into something hard.

"Ow! Shit!" His loud curses were followed by an even louder crash. Beneath him on the floor lay his elephant statue. Pieces of its trunk were scattered on the floor. Luckily, the rest of the elephant was intact. He smiled, remembering the broken statue in Kaoru's room. He placed the colourful, porcelain figurine back on its stand and looked into its painted eyes. Finally he understood. "Well, how about that?" he said, still grinning. "They are still identical, even with their flaws. And somehow, they are both still beautiful. They may be broken and…disgusting…but they are broken together."

He hid the both of the broken elephants beneath his bed and said, "Nobody has to know."


	15. Taboo

Taboo

Kaoru had disappeared into his alternate reality of blissful ignorance. The petals that danced against his skin did not wake him, nor did the gusts of wind that carried them. A faint, surreal sound pricked his ears and slowly brought him back to a state of consciousness. The distant voice called again. His eyes fluttered open and drowsily pieced together the scenery around him. The sky was a dark blue, now. The words he thought he'd heard seemed residual; an echo of a dream. They couldn't possibly be real. To Kaoru's disbelief, the unbelievable words echoed again, far too loud and far too real to be the remnants of a dream. He stood and looked around groggily for the source of the sound.

"I love you, too," the voice whispered in his ear, prickling his flesh with goose bumps. He felt familiar arms around his waist and a familiar chin resting on his shoulder. Kaoru gasped and jerked his head up. This had to be a dream. The familiar grabbed his shoulders and turned him to face familiar eyes. Beautiful eyes. Identical eyes. Gold melted with gold. No words are needed when one has eyes, and Hikaru's eyes spoke a thousand words.

"Hik…Hikaru?" Kaoru said, dizzy with confusion. "What did you just say?" He was tempted to slap himself in the face to be sure that he wasn't dreaming.

"I love you, too, Kaoru," he said again. The words were more sincere than any words he had ever spoken before. He wrapped his arms around his double's neck. Their eyes remained locked. Kaoru's hands trembled and he stood stiff as a board. He had never expected this. He'd never _imagined _this. Hikaru's hands wrapped around Kaoru's, generating intense heat. Kaoru's hands stopped shaking.

"I don't understand," Kaoru said, voice quivering. "How did you…Why are you…? I just…" Tears filled his eyes, but he didn't know why. He was certainly not sad. No, _certainly _not. "Are you…? I mean… Did you really mean…" He was interrupted by a sensation that could only be described as magical. Lips that were identical to his were pressed against his own. Hikaru's identical hand ran through identical hair. Those hands and those soft lips caused Kaoru's heart to explode.

Happiness coursed through Kaoru's veins, tingling like tiny electric shocks all through his body. Years of tears were freed all at once. All the tears he had held in through the years of denial flooded down his cheeks and onto his brother's. Hikaru was hesitant at first; no more than ten minutes ago, the very thought of loving his brother this way disgusted him. But the feeling of their identical lips against one another had his head spinning. It was like they were made for each other. Their lips fit together more perfectly than he could have ever imagined. One kiss had set them both free from the identical cages they had been locked in for sixteen years.

After what felt like hours, they pulled apart. Hikaru was crying now, too. Kaoru laughed hysterically for no identifiable reason. His twin joined him. They laughed until they were on the ground again, where they belonged: together beneath the cherry blossom tree. Kaoru let his head fall onto his brother's shoulder. Through laughter and the tears he said, "Do you know how wrong this is, Hikaru?"

Hikaru laughed even harder. "Oh yeah, I know. Trust me." He pulled his brother close to his chest like they often did when they performed their acts in the Host Club, but this time it was real. "I just don't care. Anymore." He grinned a cunning grin and planted a series of teasing kisses down Kaoru's neck. The sensation left Kaoru completely enraptured.

"We're going to Hell," Kaoru said. They both laughed until they were lying on the ground, clutching their sides. Kaoru looked up at the stars, still completely in shock. His fantasy had come true. Hikaru rolled over on top of Kaoru and pinned his hands to the ground. This excited Kaoru a little too much, and Hikaru would have been lying if he said he didn't enjoy it, too. The pink petals that surrounded Kaoru were dull in comparison to the colour of his face.

Hikaru smiled from ear to ear. "Kaoru, are we narcissists?" he teased.

Kaoru could not stop grinning. "When I see you, I see _you._ I've never seen myself in you." He blushed harder when he realized the words he had chosen, and they both burst into a peal of laughter again.

"I love you," they said in unison. No matter what, they were always synchronized.

Kaoru's eyes widened and he gasped. "Hikaru!"

"What?" The older twin replied.

"Are you actually blushing?" Before he could give his brother time to respond, he kissed him again. Kaoru grabbed the back of his double's neck, deepening the kiss. The heat of Hikaru's red face answered the question for him.

"What are we going to do at school?" Kaoru asked, his smile fading.

"What do you mean?" Hikaru said, rolling onto his back to see the stars.

"Well…We're basically dirty little sinners, now," Kaoru said, laughingly. "Won't it be awkward?"

"Or…" Hikaru said mischievously, "It could make things more interesting." Kaoru raised an eyebrow.

"Think about it, Kao. A forbidden, secret romance. We'll be _living _the taboo!"

He hated to admit it, but the thought of a secret relationship thrilled Kaoru to no end. He and his brother exchanged an impish grin and laughed. This would be their greatest lie, their truest prank, their most serious scheme. They said together, "No one has to know."

They stayed outside throughout the whole night, talking and laughing. Exchanging glances and exchanging kisses. Neither of them had ever felt so enamored. It was in Hikaru's arms that Kaoru fell asleep, until the sun awoke them both in the morning. The hatred for their sin was still buried deep in the back of their minds, but the relief of quenching their desire made all negative emotions seem obsolete. Hatred and desire had combined to create something more powerful: love. And though a love may be flawed and broken, it is still beautiful. It was a shame their love had to forever hide under the bed.

**Can you say cliché? Good!**

**Well, I might make a follow up chapter…In fact, I think I will. Sooo…yeah…**

**Hope you've enjoyed it…?**


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